I'm feeling magnanimous this morning because I won yesterday's argument with the Rainbow Slider. This is a very rare occurrence for me to win anything around here - bottom of the pile me usually. So in the spirit of magnanimity I'm going to be nice to you lot and give you a heads up. Just because you're all so good and come and chat to us an'all. (That was sarcasm just in case we were unclear there.)
This is a health warning. The woman who harbours the mistaken belief that she is a Goddess and I - the good one - may be a teensy, tiny bit narky and snitty in the coming weeks. We're doing this thing that apparently is being done at this very moment in time by at least 50% of the women in the UK. We're being told be all and sundry that we should do it. Himself and the Biglad are quite keen on the idea of the results but both know better than to say it out loud. Our respective doctors would be doing the hoopla if they knew we were doing it. We've done it before - many, many times and in many many varieties. People have written books about it.
Yes, we're going on a diet.
The Biglad has had to be coaxed out of the wardrobe with a glass of wine and a promise and Himself was last seen running across the fields, accompanied by the cat, the dogs, the birds and even yon frog. Because they, dear readers, know what is in store. Oh, they want us to do it for very obvious reasons,( oh do keep up!) - our health. What on earth did you think I meant? I've had arthritis for too many years to count now - 11 actually since I was 34 - yip young wasn't I, and the Rainbow Slider needs to take some pressure of her knee so she can keep up the walks that help her depression. Soooooo. We're declaring it to you all. We, her and me, are on a diet. We're not declaring what the scales said - some things are better kept between yourself and the Man Upstairs but we will keep you up to date with the progress. And yes, being us, we'll probably bore you all to tears with it but we're thinking of an incentive programme. Obviously I'll go shopping but as you know that's an instrument of torture for Iris. So for those of you who write, care to do a paragraph per pound for us? It would keep us on the straight and narrow and you would get incentive to write. It's a win win situation. Noooooo?! You're mean you lot.
I'm on holiday next week - in the land of croissants and pain au chocolate followed to a visit to the Shortbread City. So, she's obviously going to win the competition for the next two weeks - of course we're in competition with each other!
21 comments:
You only won yesterday because I’m the Personification of Kindness herself, that and the fact I was tired after spending half the previous night trying to help the cat locate where she let that mouse go. No, we’ve still not found it – but she is still looking.
I’m just a little bit concerned about this pounds a paragraph thing. Not you understand the paragraphs coming my way of course, all offers accepted gratefully – it’s the bit about paragraphs going your way. Because I’ve a sneaky feeling you’re being underhand here, surely that means I’m meant to be writing and sending them to you?
If I'm going through the torture of dieting darn right I'm going to get paragraphs. I expect a paragraph off you for every pound I loose. You'll get a paragraph off me for every pound you loose. And the Biglad and Himself are on an entirely different incentive programme!
Think of the stories we'll have by Christmas.
Oh BTW - five words does not a paragraph make.
And I won yesterday because right always comes out on top. *grins*
What do you mean 5 words doesn't make a paragraphy?
And with regards to this paragraph thingy - you will of course be accepting paragraphs from my previous stories?
*Looks hopeful*
Five words are not a paragraph - I know Hemingway wrote that wonderful story in 6 words but we are not him.
And I've read all your stuff so that does not count. I'm dieting here missy, this is not fun, I'm not happy and I need new stuff.
I mean someone might even like to send us just a little, titchy tiny bit of a story just to get us in the mood.. .
Well you didn't actually state the word 'new', did you? You can't blame me for trying, I've a reputation to uphold. Ask around, lots of people will tell you just how trying I am.
And don't hold your breath with the being sent just a little, titchy tiny bit of a story just to get us in the mood... it worries me when you turn blue.
It's bad enough when you turn blue when you start screaming, but the dogs still react to the pitch so I know you're all right.
*Sigh* it's fine. We'll just sit here you with your baked potato and chilli and me with my leek and potato soup. We'll look the other way when folk around us are eating chips with their chilli and cheesy toast with their soup. We can do this. We are women, we are invincible, we are hungry, you lot are mean.
I am up early, not because I want to be, but because the heartburn monster won't let me sleep. Grr. BUT! I might be persuaded to buy into your incentive program and write something.... *cough* Yes, Sue, I said I might write something. lol Check that out - you diet and I get motivation to write. It's a win-win all around, yeah?
Nicole
I'll give you a 6 word story...
"He came. She's sore: He conquered!"
You now are in debt for 1 stone each. Put the choccies down or better yet, give them to me.
You lot are very brave. When I diet, I don't tell anyone. Now, I have no man that lives in my house to bother me, so that makes things a bit easier, but I'm hindered by two teenage girls who need to eat.
All doctors want me to lose weight. They're right, I've more than 100 lbs of overage going on these days. But, I'm visiting my mom and she doesn't lay a table that doesn't have at least 4 dishes and two of them are potatoes and freshly picked corn-on-the cob. So, my diet remains a secret and NO-ONE gets to know about the lbs lost or gained.
Good luck to ye both
M. E.
Sue - we got one to bite! *happy dance* Nicole we both thank you for rising to the challenge.
It's a paragraph per pound Scally. Now you know that the two of us are ever grateful for the stories you write *cough* *porn*, however we're not that daft. The six word masterpiece is being banked by us as an initial downpayment and we promise we won't be too loud and whiny about the diet.
Thank you for the good luck message M.E. It's very nice of you - stories would however be much nicer. (worth a try!)
Yes, thank you everyone for encouraging Pooks to find a new way of inflicting pain & torture on me.
Nicole, I know for a fact that you are as bad as me with the writing, if there is a get out claus you'll find it. You do realise that she'll track you down and hold you to your promise? You are now a marked woman; she has your email address remember.
M.E. I hope you enjoy your week, everyone knows that it's illegal for diets to happen whilst you’re away from home. Isn't it convenient that Pooks is away next week?
Scally, stop holding out on us. I know you must have a lot more than that squirreled (is that a word?) away somewhere.
This was a joint decision woman - remember? I'll find the email if it helps the memory.
What is this about Nicole promising and maybe not delivering? I'll get cross and chapter 5 will stay in the box. Don't you put it up tonight until she signs a contract.
No-one can diet when they're on holiday - it's a law. Mind you I tried for a reprieve for Holiday Eve today and got shouted down.
Scally, please, pretty please, I would add a pretty please with sugar on the top but apparently sugar is our enemy and I can't have it now.
Nicole? I'll distract her and you go hide. Look Pooks, over here *waves*, I've a chocolate bar. Gods, this is like the Great Escape!
I've just thought of something - if you're on holiday next week (stuffing your face full of nice French things) I'll have no one to play up. I'll be bored. When I'm bored I crave nice things to eat.
Oh dear, this could end in divorce or even worse Himself getting stroppy.
Switching???!!!!
And don't worry I'm sure the rest of the folk will come and play in the sand box and distract you. And I've told you it's called the WWW for a reason. it's going to be losing the Biglad that's going to be the problem.
*snigger* I never promised a paragraph per pound. I said I'd write something. lol I don't know, though...if you both are going to make it easy on me with this vacation stuff and bribing each other with sweets, I may have no problems fulfilling my end of the bargain. :P
Nicole, who is a woman of her word, thank you very much....
Sorry Nicole but you're up there on the comment box buying into the incentive porgramme. Now the blog this morning quite clearly set out the details of the programme. So, are you a woman of her word or not? I'm posting the next chapter tonight if that softens the blow any. Well I'm obviously not actually doing the posting that's what Iris is for but there is a new chapter - smut free I hasten to add.
And Iris and I have given ourselves to at least Christmas at this diet malarky so don't be too complacent about the not having to write much.
It's so nice to know I have my uses.
Well I've done it - Chapter 5 is now on line and available for your perusal.
I appreciate you in so many different ways honey bunch. Thank you for pushing all the right buttons and getting all the little gremlins who live in the computer to all hold the story up in place while you put the tacks in.
As I write this 16 little fairies have popped their clogs. I don't know Sue, you pour over a keyboard, you fix the spelling, you teach folk a few new words - admittedly most you wouldn't want to say in front of the minister but hey. All you ask in return is that people will protect the fairy population but no. Well in a few years time when fairies have to have an endangered species tag attached to them I hope you lot can sleep at night.
Just wanted to say that I loved the new story. :)
Good luck with the dieting!
Margaret
...popped their clogs. Hm. *blink*
You know...I don't really think you're giving your "readership" a fair shake. lol I haven't read the story yet, but I know it takes me a little while to do the feedback thing. I need time after reading to savor and digest. :P
Nicole
Thank you Margaret for your message, Pooks will be pleased. She’s currently in Disneyland and was worried that she’d slip on all of those fairies littering the pathway. ;-)
Nicola you know that the word ‘patience’ and Pooks can’t be used in the same sentence. You’ll be fine with the words stroppy, tantrum and sulking – and most definitely threatening. She often gets the words threatening and encouraging mixed up.
Post a Comment