A pinch and a punch, it's the first of the month.

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Nearly all of yesterday was spent on a Time Management course. I can’t say I came away with a lot of answers to the age old question of how to get three days work to fit into one. I already use a diary, write a ‘to do list’ and have a good filing system and to top it all, I’m well aware that I’ve learnt the fine art of procrastination.

When we came to put the equipment away at the end, no-one wanted to take the screen down. There’s a very good reason for this, it more lethal than Arkright’s till.

I thought I’d done it, but the bastard got me when the clip flicked back. Straight across one knuckle, cutting it and pinching another finger, leaving a blood blister. I said, ‘Oh dear, you naughty screen.’ And if you believe that, you still believe in Father Christmas.

When I got back to my office the electrican was in there – so I buggered off home instead. No point in wasting my time at work, now was it?

Talking of Father Christmas I see Sky One have covered Terry Pratchet's Hog Father, it's showing in December. David Jason is playing Albert. The make-up for Mr Teatime looks good, just how I'd imagined him. And the icing on the cake is that Mr Pratchett himself has a part as a toymaker. So I'm hoping they'll get it right, but then I believe in fairies. They did a cartoon version of Wyrd Sisters and it was awful, even more so as they're my favourite characters. Johnny and the Bomb was OK. I can't understand why his books haven't been made into a film.

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I won’t bore you with all the jokes about fish today suffice to say that they were nearly as bad as Scally’s. Yes, that bad.

OK, just the one then:

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

See what I mean? I told Jane that if she wanted a pay rise she needed to remember who her manager was. The very same manager who was running the pay role tomorrow. You just can't get the staff these days.