Pooks isn’t here today, no, don’t be daft, of course she’s not writing her dissertation. She’s outside playing in MY snow.

It’s just typical – the weather forecast promised me snow, and did I get any? Did I heck. HER across the water has been bloody greedy and nabbed the lot. And she very kindly informed me this morning that it’s snowing again.

It’s not fair, it's not as if she even tries to take photographs, or goes sledging or enjoys building snowducks, or...or...or, has snow ball fights with the kids across the way. She just doesn’t want me to have any, how mean is that?

What have I got? Cold, wet, rain, that’s what.

++++

My manager was telling me about her Christmas today, she comes from up north and her parents still live there. She talked them into coming down for Christmas and Boxing Day, but come Christmas Eve they’d changed their minds.

Now she had arranged for her middle son to pick them up, and her eldest son – who had been to a wedding – was meeting him there for a lift home. The poor lad had spent the whole morning trying to get them to change their minds, and not had any luck – his grandmother had decided that she wasn’t well and had put herself to bed. Unfortunately she has the on set of Alzheimers and suffers with panic attacks.

Obviously this called for a subtle plan.

Arrival of middle son with car, who gets grandmother out of bed and into the front room – then shuts the door and tells them all out what’s going on in the army. Meanwhile Eldest son begins operation 'Get Grandma'.

Step 1: Whilst no one is looking – load all suitcases and presents in the boot of the car.

Step 2: Grandma & Grandfather are told all about the new car that middle son has brought, and encouraged to go and sit in it – just to see what it’s like. Which they do, and like all good grandparents, tell him how nice it is.

Step 3: Eldest son switches everything off in the house, sets the alarm and locks the door.

Step 4: Eldest son gets into car and tells his brother that it would be really nice if he drove the grandparents around the block, just to show them what the car drives like. Grandfather has cottoned on to what is happening at this point and over rules grandmother when she isn’t sure she wants a drive around the block. What? Can’t upset the lad, now can she.

Step 5: Drive to motorway and don’t stop until you reach home – Grandmother is fine once the car is moving and doesn’t seem to mind that she has been kidnapped.

Step 6: Get grandparents into the house and pass on all responsibility to mother.

Actually, she told me that the eldest walk in to the house, straight passed them without speaking and poured himself a very large scotch. Which he then drank all in one go.

Families, who'd have them?