I can’t believe the problems I’m having composing an argument. Me, the woman who’d disagreed with a paper bag. Whether it’s because I'm tired or just not in the mood, I don’t know, but the muse just isn’t there. It’s not the arguing that the problem – just lately, I’m down right snappy at times and I'm not particually happy about the fact that my temper is getting the better of me. After I’ve said it, it’s too late – you can’t rewind and take it back, no matter how much you’d like to - so why say it to start with? I know the answer to that one too, I'm tired.

Of course the more I try to force the creative gene, the more it scuttles back into the dark abyss of my imagination and I become even more annoyed with myself. That’s just it I suppose, I need to be in a certain mind frame to write and I’m not. Did I mention I’m tired?

I considered taking some holiday but I’m that busy at the moment, it doesn’t seem possible. My manager has agreed that I can advertise for another member of staff, but that in itself seems more trouble than it’s worth.

Being a charity we don’t offer the best of salaries, and as the saying goes, if you pay peanuts – you get monkeys. I lost two members of staff, one moved out of the area and the other moved over to our newly defined Financial Department. Trouble being, new Financial Department did not take the running of the claims or the Payroll with them.

At the time I was assured that eventually the claims would become their jurisdiction. They just needed time to settle in and get the systems in place. Payroll, everyone agreed would stay with me. Aren't I the lucky one. Unfortunately twelve months on and the claims are still my responsibility, which is putting tremendous strain on my time management abilities. It’s becoming harder and harder to cover my other tasks as Officer Manger, and what with Dilys dropping her days down to two and spending more time in Spain – and who can blame her, she has already had a career as a Tax Inspector - little things in HR are slipping as well.

I don’t like it – I feel out of control, my finger isn’t on the pulse. And I'm so bloody tired I haven’t the energy or inclination to do anything about it. Now I’ve been told by my Manager that she wants me to keep control of the claims and would rather provide me with extra support than pass then over to Finance, and all I can see is the extra work involved for me in training them. Yes, OK - long term, less work for me, but that doesn't help me now. I may have mentioned that I'm tired.

The worse part in all of this for me, is knowing that I'm not firing on all cylinders and getting annoyed with myself because of it, which I'm afraid leads other people suffering. The knock on effect is that I then get upset because I've upset someone. It’s one vicious bloody circle.

Oh, and I'm tired.

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The weather here is awful and the news that ten people have lost their lives doesn’t do much to lift the spirits. I can’t imagine anything worse than saying goodbye to someone in the morning and then getting the news that they’ve been taken from you without warning.

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I’m going to try and get some extra sleep over the weekend, I’m sure things will seem better then. Himself keeps asking if I'm depressed again - which I'm not. There is a world of difference between depression and just feeling fed up and miserable. No one is happy all of the time, so why should I be any different?

I quite fancy a walk around the village if it doesn’t rain, with camera of course. I love taking pictures, trying to capture something that I see and produced it again in digital format to keep as a memory. It will do Himself good too, he’s fed up with being stuck in the house and I think we could do with a bit of 1-2-1 time together, without my father and our son demanding attention.

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While I don't appreciate all the rain we're getting - George does. He's in his element routing around. Must be were the phase - 'mucky duck', comes from. Dirty little sod needs a bath.