I know how Quasimodo felt now, never mind the bells, it’s the fecking drills, hammers and saws that are getting to me. The electricians are still at it, putting trunking in ready for the re-wiring. According to Sandy, they could be here for another two weeks yet.

Two weeks, I don’t know if I can last two days, it really is driving me mad – and putting me in a foul mood to boot. It’s effecting other staff as well, everyone picking and poking at each other. Manager’s aren’t allowed to do that – they have to rise above it. Yet another good reason not to be a Manager, the con’s seen to out number the pro’s in my book.

I’ve had the receptionist in floods of tears yesterday because a right gobby cow had a go at her over the stationery cupboard and the lack A4 files in it, we’d run out of punched pockets too. So, she demanded, why hadn’t they been re-ordered, she needed to take her responsibilites more seriously and spend less time talking to other staff.

Probably not the best day to get on her high horse with me, if there is ever a good day that is. I don’t think she’ll do it again. No, I didn’t bite her head off – I only do that with himself (and that's allowed, along with Himself taking up nearly all the bed and the best part of the duvet). I pulled the procedure file out and suggested that before berating my staff in the future, she read the process for ordering stationery. Which very clearly states it's the responsible of each department to monitor their requirement, not the receptionist – she just rings the order through after it has been cleared with the Team Leader. She now clearly understands that if she has a problem with a member of my staff she speaks to me - not them.

Of course the problem is that the old cow in question is from a generation that expects the lower down mortals to hold them in awe, do their bidding etc. I don’t think so – I treat staff with respect, from the Cleaner to the General Manager. I expect other to as well and may God have mercy on their souls if they're bitchy to my staff and I get to hear of it. Here endth the first lesson.

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Mooching on the internet I found these presents suitable for the person who sends waaay to much time on their computer - that's probably most of you lot then. A cup warmer, so your drink doesn’t get cold as you surf for kinky stories, a vacuum cleaner to hoover those chocolate biscuit crumbs off your keyboard. And of course, the dedicated surfer would need this handy little massager, for those aching shoulders. It's certainly made me think of someone.

Personally I quite fancy the USB Christmas tree – to light up my life *laughs*, but if I had to choose just one thing, it would have to be the rocket launcher for when someone pisses me off at work. I'd get those fecking electricians for a start.

Himself has already got this touch – he affectionately call’s it his ‘wanker’ touch.

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They published the top 10 white lies that adults tell their children yesterday:

1. Father Christmas
2. The Tooth Fairy
3. Crusts make your hair curl
4. Carrots make you see in the dark
5. If the wind changes, your face will stay like that
6. Easter Bunny
7. Babies are found under gooseberry bushes (or similar)
8. If you eat apple pips, they'll grow in your tummy
9. Picking your nose causes your head to cave in/your brain to fall out/your nose to fall off
10. Lying does something unpleasant to your tongue (spots, ulcers, it will drop off)

The other ones I could remember were ~

*If you swallow chewing gum – it’s sticks your insides together
*If the Ice Cream man plays his tune he’s run out of ice cream (they mentioned that one as well)
*Sprouts are fairy cabbages.
*If you tread on the cracks in the pavement the bears will get you.
*Father Christmas won't come if you're not a sleep - I can still remember the year I saw my mum put my stocking at the end of the bed - I was gutted, Christmas was never quite the same after that.