For today’s blog I thought we could all go for a walk. Why? Because I said so, that's why. No, don’t moan, I’m not going to listen. You all spend far too much time sat glued to your computer screens, it's not very healthy, now is it? A breath of fresh air will do you all the world of good.

Now has everyone been to the toilet? And you at the back, for God’s sake change your shoes – you can’t walk in those, you’ll twist your ankle and I’m not giving you a piggy back ride home. Right. Are we all ready? Off we go then.

We'll start off our walk by the village hall and cross the field behind it. You'll notice or you would if you stopped arguing and paid attention for a change that the whole field is covered in wild pansies or viola tricolor if you prefer. Yes, OK - I may not have noticed them either in the past but that's what a camera does for you.

We’ll carry on down the field then, please make sure that you stay on the grass verge. It’s called Setaside.

No, the farmer hasn’t left it so the rabbits will have something to eat. Yes OK – the rabbits could eat it if they wanted to. Look, why don’t you just click the link and you can read all about it. It may shut you up for a while and the rest of us will get a bit of peace.

Under the fir trees.


Pardon? It reminds you of a song you used to sing at Brownies? We're all going on a bear hunt?

Yes, that's very nice dear, I'm sure we'd all love to hear you sing it. You want us to join in too? You would, wouldn't you.





Across the next field, please try to stay together and you pair at the back stop lagging behind. Yes, I can see what you're doing and if you don't put them straight away I'm going to take them off you.

Yes dear, there are a lot of fields, aren't there? It's because we're in the countryside - you'll find that they're all over the place around here. No dear, there is not such a thing as field bears, everyone is perfectly safe.




Be careful climbing over the stile and no pushing or someone is going to get hurt.

Who’s trodden on your fingers? Say sorry please. No, I’m sure she didn’t do it on purpose, it was an accident. No, it was an accident. It had nothing at all to do with the fact you wouldn’t join in with the bear hunting song.



Yes, it is another field, aren't you observant? I bet they just loved you at Brownies. No, this one doesn't have grass for the bunnies, the farmer is growing wheat in it instead.


Well no, it doesn't look much like Weetabix at the moment. Oh, and he told you he ate three Weetabix for breakfast did he? No I don't believe him either.



We’re now entering Blue Bell Wood. No, there aren’t any Blue Bells at the moment because it’s too early in the year. No, there are no bears either. It’s an English wood.

Well yes, you do have a point there. There are plenty of creatures that do frequent woods. Oh, him. Yes, he has been known to turn up when least expected but as long as you don’t put your backpack on the ground I’m sure your sandwiches and cake will be safe. Well, relatively sure.



Watch you head on that tree.

What? I thought I told everyone to go before we left. You’ll have to go behind that bush. No, no one will look. Just hurry up please it’s starting to get dark and I don’t want to be wandering the countryside with you lot when it’s pitch black.

Yes, I’ve heard the saying, thank you. I’m sure no one wants to discuss what bears get up to in woods. NO, they don’t.



Passed the field with the horses in.

You’ve got what on your shoe? Wonderful. Just wipe your foot across the grass and it will come off. Oh for Goodness sake stop snivelling and don’t make such a fuss it’s only hay and grass after all. Well, mainly hay and grass.

Yes, it is starting to get dark. That’s because of all of the stops we’ve had to make. No dear, the bears don't come out in the dark to eat you all up - we're not that lucky.

You’ll just have to walk faster. No, I don’t care if your legs are aching, my head is aching but you don’t hear me moaning about it.

Across this stream and we’re nearly home.

No dear, I’m sure he didn’t push you in at all, you fell in deliberately. Well you're just going to have to walk across the last field in wet shoes. Maybe next time you won’t act the fool. Water bears indeed. You can just think yourself lucky that you didn't get a smack.

And just what sort of question is that supposed to be? I can assure you that it was just a pure fluke that we ended up here.

Have they gone? You’re sure? Thank the Gods for that. Pass me that drink and if I ever suggest such a thing again you have my permission to thump me.

I thought it was a fairly good day yesterday, youngest was offered paid weekend work at his work placement and his provisional driving licence came through (although I probably shouldn’t celebrate that fact to soon, it’s going to cost me money). He’s wanted to learn to drive for so long. He’s been driving tractors and the Landover on the farm by us for the past two years. Ideally he would have loved to work on a farm but those days are long gone, the jobs just don’t exist any more. The work placement with the Nursery / Landscape Company was the next best thing. He wanted outside work; the poring rain and freezing cold have never bothered him.

But today has surpassed yesterday in the happiness stakes – the company has rung back and changed the offer to full time employment. We’re all over the moon. Youngest isn’t what you’d call an overly confident person and quite reserved with people he doesn’t know very well. The placement was ideal for him and over a period of weeks I’ve watched him change and come out of himself. I’m extremely lucky in the fact that both of my children found employment relatively quickly but in fairness to them, both have good work ethics. Neither thinks the world owes them a living and both got offered jobs from work experience placements.

Oldest worked at McDonalds while still at school and continued to work the late shift whilst on his work experience placement. Sometimes he was working 14 hour days which used to worry me. He just saw it as a means to an end, which I’m pleased to say, paid off. He needed money to run his car but he also recognised that if he stood any chance of get into mechanics he would need experience. His attitude is one of the reasons he can afford to live independently with his girlfriend whilst his friends are still living at home.

I think everyone wants their children to do well and I’m no different, but more importantly than that I want them to be happy. I know what it feels like to have to make yourself go to work somewhere really don’t want to be, with people you really don’t want to work with. No amount of money is worth that.

You spend so much of your life at work it’s important that you’re happy there and although you’ve obviously got to earn enough to pay the bills and have enough left to enjoy life it’s important that you recognise just what is important. As I was reminded by someone the other day, life isn’t a rehearsal and happiness doesn’t have to cost a lot.

It’s easy in this day and age to forget just what is important and it doesn’t hurt every now and again to think about what really matters to you – surprisingly enough, a new car or two weeks in the sun come further down the list than you first may have thought.

Right, one of those days when I talk about nothing in particular - just a jumble of thoughts. Nothing new there then.

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You know when occasionally you get that (insert whiney voice) ‘no one appreciates me’ feeling, well I’ve found the answer. Click Here

Although I think the silhouette at the end would have been better if they’d have made it look like that of a super model. After all if you’re trying to feel good about yourself and you believe all of that, you may has well push your imagination one step further and have a decent figure to go with it.

http://www.jobsite.co.uk/youaremighty/index2.html) – just enter your name.

I find that it scans better if you get yourself a drink first (just a little pointer here, it's even more laudable after numerous alcoholic beverages – tea and coffee don’t have quite the same affect).

Sit back and listen to your computer tell you how bloody wonderful you are. If you really want to irrate your family and friends you can actually e-mail it to them. No, I'm not not brave or stupid, depending on your point of veiw. I can imagine the response I'd get for a start. Even more so at the moment as only Cobweb's around and she takes no hostages - I'd get her version of it back and I don't think it would be quite so gratifying.

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Wronglish have updated. Always worth a giggle if only for the fact that I've found other people that can out do me with spelling and punctuation.

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And what ignoramus decided that we should celebrate Easter with our children by telling them about the Easter Bunny? Why not an Easter Duck or Chicken? They after all, lay eggs.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve nothing against any animal or person for that matter, who is willing to leave me chocolate. In fact, I’d be even more kindly disposed to them if they visited Thorntons first and left me a dozen Seville Chocolates (I did originally think half a dozen but on the off chance that Himself reads this I may as well ensure that he gets the right idea).

I did after all miss out on my Mother’s Day quota. Some bloody restaurant ordered 400 of them, basically wiping out nearly all of our local shop’s supplies. I ended up with just 3 (yes you did read that right - 3), all that they had left. Well, I wasn’t going to leave them there and three chocolates in my book is definitely better than none at all and well worth the 98p Himself paid for them.

Anyway apparently the Easter Bunny leaves baskets of treats and chocolate eggs for good boys and girls on Easter morning. Which goes to show you how stupid it really is because I can tell you now that the bad boys and girls are always going to be one step a head; they will have got up early and pinched the lot. Being good very rarely pays.

I can feel a moan coming on – yes, again. Surely you must be getting used to it by now.

This was on the wall in the hospital and I couldn’t help but look at it. I mean, what else was I suppose to do? Son did not want me with him when he went into see the Consultant; he's 17 and not a baby, you know? I did spend part of the time reading old copies of People's Friend. I can remember my Nan having that magazine delivered each week – she used to knit all the jumpers and cardigans that they published. Looking through it, it hadn’t changed one bit and I enjoyed a few minutes of nostalgia.


So, as I was saying.....



Choo Choo? CHOO CHOO! It’s a train for goodness sakes. Yes I know they were trying (badly) to explain the ‘ch’ sound but why couldn’t they have chosen a picture of a church or a chicken? Choo choo sounds like something you’d call a Pekinese dog or a Siamese cat.

When my kids were growing up it always grated if I heard someone tell them to look at the ‘quack quacks’, the ‘moo cow’ or even worse, the ‘horsey’. What’s wrong with teaching them the right word to start with?

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And whilst I’m on a roll I think I’ll have a moan about the cat, who did her very best to keep me awake for the best part of the night.

It started off with her deciding that we hadn’t made the bed to her exacting standards, so she put her heart and soul into correcting our oversight. Unfortunately we were in the bed at the time and her clawing continuously at the covers did nothing towards endearing her to Himself. Of course she was sat on top of him at the time, so I don’t suppose that help matters.

After being shoved off the bed she started to rearrange the sock drawer. She has very high standards when it comes to socks and I think she demands that they are paired. Which is a bit of a bugger because I’m bloody sure that I’ve got better things to do than pair socks up. With that in mind she decided that they all needed to be removed.

I got up and shoved her out of the room, closing the door. She wasn’t very impressed with that and she wasn’t afraid of voicing her opinion on the matter. Very loudly in fact.

In the end I got up and chased her down stairs. It was easier to just open a tin of tuna and sneak away when she wasn’t looking. Peace reigned for the rest of the night.

She has the same problem as my dad – they both sleep during the day and then wonder why they can’t sleep at night.

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And as we’ve had sunrise, it seems fitting that we also have sunset.

Welcome to the week and hasn’t it got off to a good start?

Dragged child out of bed (at some ungodly hour according to him) to ensure we were at the hospital for his 9.10 a.m. appointment only to discovery that I’d got the day wrong, it’s not till tomorrow. And I looked at that appointment card at least twice over the weekend and again this morning. I'm not a popular mummy at the moment. Of course that will change as soon as son's provisional driving licence arrives - then I’ll be the best thing since sliced bread.

Got into work to be told by Financial Controller that Craig wasn’t in – had I heard from him? Well no, but I’d only been in the building for a couple of minutes. The answer to that would normally have been he’s not a member of my staff, why haven’t you tried to contact him? But to be honest I’m a bit worried about Craig at the moment, he’s far from himself. Time to put the pressure on to move him back over to working part-time for me.

And to top it all I’ve got to run the Payroll today. If there’s no blog tomorrow it’s because I’m in a police station somewhere being interrogated for murdering certain members of our staff. Of course I shall be claiming either Severe Provocation or Diminished Responsibility.

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Nice weekend, went for a walk in the Forest with eldest son on Saturday. It’s a good job there wasn’t a lot of people around because we looked like a couple of escaped clowns from Chipperfield’s circus trying to take a photo of a butterfly. The bloody things are most inconsiderate and just won’t stay still.



The wood ants (please note the amount of trouble I go to in order that I find the most interesting links. You'll be able to tell everyone now that you listened to a wood ant conversation today) were out in force too, they look like ordinary ants that have over dosed on steroids. They're massive.


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I got a phone call on Sunday evening from son asking me to pick Lu up from work - he'd popped out for a quick bike ride and didn't think he'd make it back in time. Yes, OK. So where was he?

Worcester - which is about 20 miles from where he lives, apparently he'd followed the river. Heaven alone known's where he'd end up if he decided to go on a long bike ride.

I got home last night to find youngest lay on the sofa with his leg propped up by cushions surrounded by a group of adoring girls who he’d basically got wrapped around his little finger. They’d made him drinks and a sandwich – I’m sure that they’d probably plumped his pillows up as well as mopped his brow. Nothing was too much trouble for them.

I was in two minds as to whether I needed to sit down and have a woman to woman chat with them or suggest that they could have hoovered and dusted whilst they were at it.

Amazingly the walking wounded didn’t have a problem later that evening when his mates called to see if he was going to the British Legion to play darts. Apparently he can manage to stand upright with the aid of his crutches to throw a dart, making a sandwich or a drink is a totally different matter.

We’ve got to go back to see the consultant again next week, hopefully the swelling will have gone down by then – the bruising has already appeared. His knee and leg are as black as coal and in fairness to him it does look very painful. Nothing broken but until the swelling has reduced they can’t really tell if there is any damage to the ligaments. I’m hoping for badly sprained myself and come next week he’ll be able to put his foot to the floor again. Optimist that I am.

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I’ve now finished the interviews and by far the best applicant was the gentleman I interviewed before I went on holiday. I’ve offered him the job and he’s verbally accepted AND he can start straight away. Hooray. I’ve not made any decision yet on the other vacancy, I’ve decided that I’m not going to rush into employing the wrong person.

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Today’s pictures were taken yesterday morning, which started off a bit foggy and slowly changed. I was sat outside with my piece of toast watching the sunrise. They say the best things in life are free.

I don’t like funerals.

It’s lovely here today; Dinah would have loved the sunshine and flowers. I know a lot of people these days stipulate family flowers only and donations if desired. I’m glad that this time the family didn’t.

Flowers were one of the things Dinah loved the most and she was very talented at flower arranging. In fact anything ‘arty’. Whenever it was anyone’s birthday she gave a gift of flowers or sweets and a home made card. Usually the cards were very intricate in design and must have taken her hours to make. She was a generous person and often came to work with sweets and home made cakes, but I think what most people remember about her was her ability to listen. Not just the staff but also the kids.

Listening is a skill that very few people ever really get the hang of - the ability to listen to others with just the odd word of encouragement or show of understanding without trying to put your own feelings and needs into the conversation. Just be there for the other person, very few people are altruistic. So if I was asked to describe Dinah as simply as possible I think I would say she was good listener.

Today she was remembered by not just her family but a wide circle of friends and acquaintances, she'll be sadly missed by all.

You know when you get that feeling of déjà vu; well I’m experiencing it at the moment.

Son went to hospital yesterday only to be told that the x-ray department closed at 5 p.m. so he could either come back in the morning or go to Worcester, where there just happened to be a slight delay of 6 – 7 hours before he’d get to see someone. If nothing else I’ve learnt from husband’s shoulder incident that even if we went to Worcester he'd just get given pain killers and told to go back the next day, so this time we allowed them to strap it up and send him home on crutches.

Poor kid, I wouldn’t say he’s the safest person to be in left in charge of a pair of crutches, it’s a wonder he made it through to this morning without doing himself further damage by falling over. And to top it all he had to let me help him get undressed, I had to promise to keep my eyes closed at certain points in the proceedings.

So to this morning and the visit to the hospital. I should have known what sort of day it was going to be when I had problems getting a parking ticket. It bloody annoys me having to pay £2.50 to park for 2 hours so I was well pissed off when I put £3.00 in the machine and it refused to give me a ticket. It demanded the exact amount.

Any normal parking meter is happy to accept overpayment – it’s usually ecstatic to keep the change. Oh no, not this one. I had to wander around the hospital until I could find someone who could change a pound coin for me, by that stage I’d have willingly just swapped my pound coin for fifty pence.

Anyway the good news is nothing is broken – the bad news is we’ve got to go to Worcester tomorrow to see the consultant as they're fairly sure that he’s damaged either the ligaments or tendons. So I guess that makes me a truly awful mother as I made him go to his work placement. He spent the best part of the day limping around until the company rang up and said he really ought to be at home; his knee had swollen out of all proportion by that stage.

I just hope it doesn’t take too long tomorrow as I’m meant to be attending the funeral of a retired work colleague, she died suddenly last week. I’ve had to make arrangements for someone else to attend if I don’t get back in time although I’m not too happy about that as she was member of my team and I feel I ought to be there.

I wonder what the rest of the year holds – it’s probably a good job you can’t see into the future you could end up permanently depressed.

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I left Dilys an application form on her desk with a note attached asking that she ring one of the references that had been given as there was only a mobile number and no address.

When I came in this morning she informed me that she’d spoken to the man who was willing to give a verbal reference at the moment as he was away on business. She’d had a ten minute conversation with him on his mobile before she discovered he was currently in Lithuania. I wonder how much that call will cost.

Back to work after a week of doing diddly squat. By Friday of last week I was bored silly and seriously wondering why I’d taken the whole week off – unfortunately as is often the case with me, come last night I’d changed my mind. I didn’t want to go back to work. In fact I should probably have put a seriously in that sentence somewhere as well.

But as I haven’t won the lottery as of yet – no, not even a tenner, I had no choice in the matter. Although I keep telling everyone that I’m going to win – no harm in putting out the right vibes after all, just in case Lady Luck is passing.

So back to it and within a few minutes it was as if I’d never been away. I wonder who everyone asked last week to mend the photocopier / printer / locate the toilet rolls / join their computer to the network / find batteries for their cordless mouse / find some drawing pins / fill the dishwasher with rinse aid and salt and a thousand other things. The trouble with having time off is I’ve forgotten how to tell people to bugger off and sort it out themselves. On a plus side at least I’ve noticed that I’ve fallen into bad habits again.

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Yesterday was youngest son’s birthday and how did he want to celebrate the dawning of his 17th year? A bike ride. Can you believe it?

Bugger that for a lark – I suggested that it would be nicer if we went further a field, such as the Malvern Hills. He was quite taken with that idea. Of course there was method to my madness. For a start we could only fit two bikes in the car (Himself was muttering about the need to purchase a bike rack), so by the time son and friends bike where in the boot, there was no room for anyone else’s. What a shame. Never mind. We’d have to walk instead.

Although I admit I may have made a slight tactical error when I suggested Malvern Hills because by the time we’d got back to the car my legs felt like jelly. I used muscles I didn’t know I’d got and I’m still not convinced they’re mine even now.

The acoustics around there are amazing, child made it to the top of the hill whilst we we’re only half way up and whistled us. It was a shame it wasn’t a clearer day, the view would have been breath taking. Child also managed to fall off his bike as well – aw bless, he hurt his knee. Didn’t stop him going back down at a scary rate of knots though, did it? No wonder I colour my hair.

So to the Photos, I’ll have my IOU back, thank you.

St. Anne's Well

And the tiny dot on the top of that there hill is youngest child.

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Update: Himself has just rung to say he's taken youngest to hospital as be can't bend his knee. What is it with my family and hospitals this year?

Well this blog is going to be quick – bullet points maybe? I wonder if it is easier to blog at night? Possibly the fact that I’ve just drunk half a bottle of wine helps in some way?

1. Do I have a drink problem?

No, not at all – locating and consuming alcohol comes naturally to me. This should set a few minds at rest. Actually I think this is the most I’ve drunk all week, the bonus being that when you don’t drink for a while that lovely happy ‘the world is a wonderful place’ feeling kicks in quite quickly. Or depending on the time of the month it could equally be ‘I’m am Evil Cow and I'll argue with you about absolutely anything’ feeling. There really isn’t any need to leave any comments about this one.

2. Does the fact that I’ve consumed a couple of glasses of wine affect my spelling & punctuation?

No, nothing to fear on that one. Rest assured it’s as bad as it’s always been.

3. I am now an ‘Enlightened Sage’.

Impressive or what? 971650 points on Rocket Mania. I came so close to finding out the next rank and if the bloody antivirus database hadn’t chosen that exact moment to check for updates I may have hit the dizzy heights of Enlightened Basil or Parsley.

4. Quick flash back to childhood.

So who remembers The Herbs? Yes, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to work out that I do. I also remember the password (Herbidacious) and all of the songs the characters used to sing.

What can I say – I was a telly addict as a child. If I ever went on Mastermind (OK, you can get off the floor now, you look a right fool lay down there laughing) – children’s television programmes of the 70’s would be my specialist subject. The Herbs were the brain child of Michael Bond – he of Paddington Bear frame.

5. Picture?

Haven’t taken any for a few days. You’ll just have to have an IOU instead.

Good grief, nearly Friday already and my week off work is very nearly over. So what have I got to show for it? A lot of errors in what you're about to read for a start :-) There are a few photo's of 'branches & things', as Scally calls my artistic endeavours. The cheeky moo, you can so go off people.

Mmm…yet another story started and progressing nicely towards the middle, of course it may never reach the end but at least this one seems to be writing itself. We’ll pass on the other stories, I think they’re just going to stay where they are for the time being in the hope that one day a miracle will happen and they’ll be resurrected. Nearly Easter after all. Oh, I brought 3 Easter eggs when I went shopping – impressed aren’t you? It kind of sums up the excitement of the last few days.

I don’t really have a lot to show for my time off other than I’m now a Virtuoso Pyrotechnist when it comes to playing Rocket Mania, my freezers have been defrosted and I appear to have perfected the art of lying in bed passed 9 a.m. Well, when I say lying in bed I'm not counting Monday & Wednesday when I got up to take youngest to his work placement – although I could have crowned him on Wednesday when just before we were leaving he decided that he’d rather go on his bike.

The weather around here is hardly conducive to me going out for a walk although I did venture out for an hour on Wednesday to take the dogs on the common. Unfortunately it’s a sad fact of life that woman are wary when out walking alone so my favourite walk in the forest was a no go.



Mind you it was quite nice walking on the common instead (a hell of a lot more people around, so it feels safer). I used to play there as a child. We used to run off the sand bank and see how far we could jump. I remember it being really big but there's hardly anything left of it now, just a small circle of sand.


We used to go paddling in the stream, even on the hottest of days the water was icy cold and you had to be careful not to slip on the rocks underneath. We played ‘Pooh Sticks’ from one side of the bridge to the other, not that we could ever decide who won – we all claimed that the first stick through was ours.

The pool on the other side was a lot deeper and we’d swing off the rope swing into the middle of it. That’s all grown over now with reeds.

I remember Tracy & I taking the kids down there for a walk during one summer holiday. They happily played walking across the logs in the shallow places whilst we sat on the bank (you already know what kind of mother I am - so I won't try and explain my way out of the safety issues involved in that one).

Of course youngest son had to lose his footing and his one leg slipped in. There was some very, very smelly mud by the side of that log and he sank to high heaven when we eventually pulled his leg out. Of course the rescue was hampered by the fact that no one could stop laughing.


Our kids have of course grown up now, the eldest is 21 in November and the youngest nearly 16, but surprisingly enough they can all remember that day. It’s nice to think that they have good memories too and their life hasn’t been centred around computer games like so many kids these days.

I’ve just not been in the mood to blog this past week; the build up to Mother’s Day has taken its toll. Friday evening was the worst, probably because I was tired – I stop fighting when I reach a certain point. If I want to cry, then I cry. And I cried buckets, my eyes were still sore Saturday morning.

It’s not something that I really talk about – I’ve found that most people can’t cope with someone else’s grief; it makes them uncomfortable and lost for words, so I’m inclined to keep quiet about how I’m feeling. My blog has often been my saving grace in the past. You just put on your ‘the world is fine’ face and get on with it. Trouble is, it’s not fine and the more you cover it up the worse it gets. It takes it’s out of you and eventually your feelings reach crescendo and overflow.

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It’s been a fairly busy couple of days at work leading up to my week off. And Gods do I need a break – it’s been a trying couple of months. I hope somewhere along the way I find my muse again – I appear to have misplaced it (a bit like my glasses, which I think have been abducted by aliens). I haven’t updated since last year and it’s nearly the end of March now. My apologises to all the people who have taken the time to write to me and received ‘I’m in the middle of writing something now’ replies. I can’t seem to get passed the middle bit. Let’s hope that this coming week finds an end to the problem or at least an end to a couple of the stories.

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I carried out the first of the interviews for my assistant on Friday. The poor man was so nervous his hands were shaking but once he'd settled down he was brilliant. He has set a high standard for the others interviewees. It wasn’t until a lot later that it dawned on me what the poor bugger had been faced with. It was on the wall behind us and right in his line of vision. GM was worried that he might think they were hers.


The framed memento was awarded to her by the staff after the Adult Learning Inspectorate visit. Anyone that has been through one of those inspections will tell you pulling your own teeth out whilst being spit roasted over open flames is less painful. So much hangs in the balance and if you fail you stand to lose most of your business contracts. So it’s a little worrying to say the least.

So to the story behind the thong picture.

It was the last day before judgement was passed and things weren’t looking too rosy. The inspectors didn’t appear to be very impressed with us and failure was on the horizon. We were all shattered.

Now the upstairs toilet is unisex and the door doesn’t always bolt properly. You have to make sure the catch has gone all the way across, which we all know about and it’s never been a problem. One of our trainers had decided to try out wearing a thong that day, just to see what all the fuss was about. She’s a fairly big lady and she’ll admit herself that the thong wasn’t the best fashion accessory that she had ever worn. To be blunt, it was cutting her in half and she decided to retire to the toilet to make a few technical adjustments.

Picture this. Our lady stood in front of the mirror, her trousers around her ankles, her t-shirt pulled up and tucked under her chin, her one hand reaching around behind her and the other hand reaching in front to adjust the offending item of underwear.
We had two inspectors on site, a man and a women. Unfortunately it was the male inspector that chose that moment to answer the call of nature. It was also unfortunate that the lock on the door hadn’t quite closed.

I don’t know who got the biggest fright but the poor man left the toilet a damned sight quicker than he went in. All Ness heard was him uttering – ‘I didn’t see anything’, they were both slightly traumatised from the experience. But I think Ness recovered first – she’s made from sterner stuff.

Anyway we passed the inspection with flying colours in the end and went to the pub with the money from the petty cash tin to celebrate. When we ran out of funds we sent Craig back to get the money out of the bus tin – which ended in a fair few people getting drunk.

I was not one of them – I’m always the responsible adult – which I think you’ll agree is a bit of a frightening thought. It’s a shame we couldn’t get a copy of Sainsbury’s surveillance tape because it would have made interesting viewing as the GM walked around totally pissed trying very hard to give the impression of being sober. She wouldn’t let me take her home until she’d got her shopping, although I would seriously question what she brought as food to feed her family. A bottle of Bombay Sapphire gin and a pound of cheese for the dog.

Ness was convinced that it was in fact the sacrifice she had made that had turned the whole inspection around – and to mark the occasion she had got the thong framed for posterity, after she’d washed it of course. She was damned sure she wasn’t wearing it again.

Did anyone miss me? *sigh* I didn’t think so.

Just in case you were wondering, on an off chance mind, ‘cause someone somewhere in the world may have wondered where I was yesterday – someone other than the cat that is. And she only wanted me for my skill at opening tins of tuna and the living room window to let her in. For some alone reason she’s got it into her head that the window is her personal cat flap. It comes complete with its own Concierge, yes that’s right, yours truly. She sits on the window sill giving me the evils and I stop whatever I’m doing and let her in. She's a terrible tipper; just the odd dead mouse every now and again.

Anyway, I’ve drifted a bit yet again, I’ve been poooooorly sick. I woke up at 3.30 a.m. on Monday and decided that I didn’t fancy my Sunday dinner after all. I can honestly say that although I'd enjoyed it at the time, it left a lot to be desired the second time round – bucket anyone? Following the departure of my dinner I was then trampled on by a herd of passing wildebeests – or at least that's what it felt like. Every joint and muscle in my body ached and my head hurt.

I WAS POORLY.

I’m feeling better now.

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So what happened this weekend? Well, some bastard nicked the 3ft fence panels from down the side of the house in the early hours of Sunday morning for a start – Himself’s face was a picture and I couldn’t help but laugh. Yes, we should have been spitting, but it looked so funny. They’d only pinched the panels, the concrete post and gravel boards were still there – it was similar to the sun baked bones of a dead cow you see pictures of in the desert, it's concrete ribs sticking up skywards.

++++

And Saturday was spent walking across the Waseley Hill – the views were amazing. Or they were when I noticed them – I have already blamed certain people for the effect they’ve had on me. Yes, they know who they are. Changed me for life they have. My innocence has been spirited away and in it’s place there is now a dictionary.

There was a point in my life, in fact only twelve months ago, when after the trek to the top of said hills I'd have sat down gratefully on a bench and taken pleasure from the amazing views in front of me. Not any more I won't. Oh, no – those days have long gone. This time the only thing I noticed as I struggled to catch my breath was the spelling mistake on the bench.

The poor soul has been immortalised by bad spelling. And this from me - and I'm hardly Mrs Perfect - but it stood out like a sore thumb poking me in the eye. What have they done to me!

I did find a new gadget on photoshop this weekend – photomerge. I can now take a series of pictures and paste them together (except blogger isn't very keen on the idea and will only let me upload the smaller versions).

So......

Looking over Rubery and Birmingham, after I'd eventually dragged my eyes away from that bench.

And the sunset looking down the fields in the evening.

I haven't quite got the hang of smoothing the colours together yet - there is probably a button somewhere that I have to adjust. Maybe I should get a book out of the library and read up on it. Although it would no doubt be cheaper for me to just buy one, what with the amount of late fees I always end up paying.

Well I suppose it had to happen sooner or later – Himself has been bitten by the fitness bug. I blame the physiotherapist myself, the evil cow. She gave him some exercises and the use of their gym equipment to improve the movement in his shoulder. I can think of some much better exercises for that - exercises that we can both enjoy. He’s now taken it upon himself to go one step further and implement his own exercise programme and not the sort I was thinking of.

Now I don’t have a problem with exercising in general – the bit I’m bloody well against is my participation in his keep fit regime. I joined a gym once – it was Tracy’s idea and like the sucker I am I allowed myself to be talked into it. I did lose weight and most definitely toned up, but while it did my body the world of good it turned my mind to mush. To put it mildly, it was the most boring activity I’ve undertaken since being talked into attending an evening discussing whether housewives would pay extra for organic vegetables. You can see a pattern emerging here, can’t you?

The bribe for that one was £25.00 worth of Marks & Spencer vouchers and a free meal. After everyone had eaten we got shown pictures of vegetables and our shopping habits were discussed. It was probably some weird sect out to take control of the housewives of the country; they were trying to send us into a hypnotic state – or something like that; I nearly fell asleep at any rate.

Switching back again – yes, keep up, you look like you could do with a bit of exercise too. I find gyms mind blowingly boring – I’ve nothing in common with a hamster so the tread mill holds no fascination what so ever.

You can guarantee that there is always some woman with a body to die for, perfect makeup and hair – making every piece of equipment look easy. If you felt awful about your body when you walked in though the door, you are positively suicidal when you stumble out passed the full length mirrors that adorn the walls, because you know that there is no way on earth that you are ever going to look like Claudia Schiffer.

Your hair is plastered to your forehead, your t-shirt sticking to your body highlighting your unique shape and your stomach making rumbling noises – because let's be honest here – the first thing you do when you leave the gym is find something to eat. You’re absolutely starving and unfortunately the gym is situation two doors down from the newsagents. Looking on it another way you’re helping the economy – you’re helping to keep the workers at Cadburys in employment for a start.

So this weekend Himself has decided that he’s going to repair the kids bikes, which are covered in cobwebs and dust and are currently propped up at the back of the shed. ‘We’ are going to take up cycling – oh, great joy – I can’t tell you how excited I am by all of this. No honestly I can’t – I can’t quite find the words to express myself, well nothing that I can write here at any rate. Personally I can’t see what's wrong with a leisurely walk. I think I'll be safe for a couple of weeks whilst he works on the bikes but after that I apparently have a new hobby.

It’s 3.15 p.m. and I’ve just stopped for my lunch, I’ve hardly had a minute to call my own all day. All together now – Ahhhhhh.

We’re running a TSI course today & tomorrow for the new staff – although two of them are off sick. GM got a call from the Team Leader this morning to say he was still feeling a little under par after being absence for 2 days, so he wouldn’t be attending. He’d attend tomorrow through. Oh no he bloody won’t – it’s a 2 day course – if you haven’t attended the first day you are out of luck. Never mind, he said – we’d be running it again, wouldn’t we? Of course we would, she reassured him.....in about 14 month’s time, just after his contract was due to end.

I know people can’t help being ill, but he knew how important this training was. The gentleman who delivers the course lives in Greece so it’s a major job arranging it all (and I should know, it ended up with me to sort) – training that’s vitally important to how staff engage some of our clients.

He’s now missed out on a golden opportunity of updating his C.V. with a course that would put him in good stead for working with people with learning disabilities. He’s not put himself in a good light with the GM either and as he’s on a fixed term contract you’d think he put a little more effort in with the brownie points to ensure it gets extended. He's hardly painting the picture of Mr Reliability – he only started with us in December and already he’s used up a large portion of his sick leave.

++++

I had just dropped off to sleep last night when Himself woke me up to say youngest had just rung, he’d twisted his ankle after falling down a rabbit hole. Himself had had a drink so couldn’t drive, could I go?

Put me in a right good mood, it did – I’ve not felt 100% the last couple of days either, so I didn’t relish going out in the cold to pick him up. I couldn’t be bothered getting dressed so I just put a coat over my PJ’s - I’m sure the AA man would have understood if I’d have broken down.

Son goes lamping about once a week to get rabbits for his brother. I personally hate the idea of shooting but at least the rabbits are shot for food and not just sport. Eldest child is very partial to rabbit stew – pass me a bucket – and rabbit pie. I’m the fussy eater in our house – my children will eat whatever is put in front of them and both love vegetables. It’s probably a good thing too as I hate cooking and wouldn’t stand for everyone wanting something different for tea. They get what they’re given or they cook something themselves – I’m such a caring, nurturing type of mother.

Of course by the time I’d got back home I was wide awake again and found going back to sleep nigh on impossible. I spent the best part of the night watching the hands on the clock moving round and went to work this morning feeling like death warned up.

++++

And while surfing the ‘net last night - I was on the look out for news on when the next Terry Pratchett book would be out - I found a new game.

http://www.terrypratchettbooks.com/discworld/freefall.html

I haven’t got a clue what to talk about today, other than the fact some bugger has stolen my hole punch. OK, that might not be of great interest to the world in general but it’s pissed me off big time.

It all started after we had a move around and the photocopying/stationery room moved next door to me. I’m not a materialistic person and I’m honestly not normally possessive over my things – my mummy taught me to share and play nicely – and other than the dalek* incident, I always have. I don’t mind anyone using my stapler or ruler – as long as they bring them back. And it’s down right bloody rude to just take something without asking and then hot footing it away with said item. I’m sure it’s a shooting offence somewhere in the world and when I’ve found out who the culprit is they’re going to be extradited.

*The dalek incident

The first house I lived in was a terrace which had a small courtyard that was shared with the house next door. My dad had fenced this off to make sure I and the children next door were safe and couldn’t wander off. The houses belonged to Baggeridge Brick, built for their workers and the brickyard - with its many dangers - was only at the end of the gardens.

Now the girl further along the terrace, Wendy, didn’t have restriction of freedom put upon her like Helen and I. Helen being the youngest of our neighbour’s children and my best friend at the time. Wendy was allowed to wander up and down the row and would apparently often ended up standing on the other side of the fence hoping to be let in if a passing adult noticed her. It’s ironic really – she wanted to be inside our fenced off courtyard and we wanted to be outside and free of the enclosure. The grass is always greener on the other side and all that malarkey.

Anyway Helen and I had a favourite game that we played – Daleks. Thinking about it, it’s a bit worrying that our parents used to let 3 and 4 year olds watch Dr Who. I mean, at the time (the 60’s) that was probably quite a frightening programme. I still have memories of hiding behind the sofa when the music started – and that’s just the music, not the actual programme.

I don’t really have any memory of the dalek incident, just what my mum told me later on in life. Apparently my mum was paid a visit by Wendy’s mum complaining that I’d bitten her daughter’s finger and made it bleed. When I’d been questioned over this I’d readily agreed that I’d done it, in fact I was extremely put out that I was being told off for it, we’d only been playing after all – Wendy had stuck her finger thought the fence and I’d exterminated it!

Years later and Wendy still carried a small scar on her finger from her encounter with a dalek.

I really wonder sometimes what magical powers people think I possess – our mini bus driver came to see me today because the reception on his company mobile was crap. What did he expect me to do about it – wave a wand to sort 02 out?

I politely pointed out that the company mobiles were nothing to do with me – he should take it up with the Financial Controller, the wise one who decided to change over mobile providers from Orange. If I was being really bitchy now I’d also point out that I said at the time we'd had problems with 02’s reception in this area before.

We were with 02 originally and it caused no end of problems which is why we moved over to Orange. Did he listen? No of course not, according to FC the coverage would have improved since we were last with 02 – so he can bloody well find out the hard way which includes the earache of staff moaning.

And oh dear, it would appear that our driver had been trying to sort it out with Mr FC for over two weeks now and was getting rather pissed off with it all – and I thought I could moan. Still not my problem and if he wanted to complain to anyone he should take it up with FC’s Line Manager, who just happened to be the General Manager. Well he said, he’d come to me because I could be relied upon to sort things out – not any more I couldn’t. If it’s not my job, it’s not my problem and I’m having nothing to do with it.

To be fair our mini bus driver has a little bit of an abrupt manner and can rub people up the wrong way with very little effort on his part – so it’s not surprised me at all that nothing has been sorted, his attitude doesn’t do him any favours.

++++

O.K. I've just been asked another stupid question - Sue, what do we do with post? Sometimes you just have to bite your tongue.

This from someone who has worked for the company for the last 6 months and he still doesn't know that the receptionist deals with the post? He's a Team Leader and in all that time he's not sent any corresponence anywhere?

Why me? Is there a sign on my door that I can't see? Come inside and find the answers to absolutely everything you ever wanted to know. The meaning of life? No problem, come in and take a seat - I won't keep you long.

Yep, I’ve most definitely transformed into a grumpy old woman.

++++

Our Village also made the local news last night – the council has just spent thousands of pounds upgrading our bus shelters. Not your everyday, ordinary, run of the mill bus shelters for our village – oh, no, these ones have solar panels in the roof. The panels generate the energy to run the internal lighting; so ensuring that you aren’t stood in the dark. We’ve no street lighting at all around the village - welcome to the dark side.

It was a great idea too – it's bloody shame that the bus service doesn’t run after 6 at night.

++++

Our neighbours son shares the same birthday as me – so I had to go and look at his favourite present last night ~

Firstly, a big thank you to everyone who sent me an e-card or message. I even received flowers! OK - it was a picture that Chris had taken but they were very beautiful never the less and it made me laugh, nearly as much as some of the e-cards I got sent. It must be the modern day version of pressed flowers, I can't kill them that's for sure.

I was made to feel very special and it certainly made me think how lucky I am to have ‘net friends. They play just as important part in my life as my every day friends – maybe more so, because with them I can be truly myself. Poor buggers!

++++

We went to Telford on Saturday, Himself thought I could find a present in the shopping centre there, heaven forbid he could find something for me. He has a fear of buying me presents – it fills him with panic, he claims he doesn’t know what I’d want or what I’d like. He’s only known me for 27 years after all.

As per usually I wasn’t in the mood to shop and this time he gave in and we ended up at Ironbridge instead.

We didn’t visit any of the museums – just walked around the Victorian town and the surrounding countryside. The bridge has under gone repairs during the winter but it was open to the public again and these days you don't have to pay to cross it.

It’s a truly beautiful place and the only thing that spoils the view is the Power Station's cooling chimneys.

On the way back we stopped for a meal. Himself did start to moan that he hadn't brought me a present until I pointed out that I’d enjoyed my surprise day out way more than a shopping trip – he could get me a present next week, it would make my Birthday last a bit longer that way.


++++

Sunday morning Himself decided to surprise me with a Birthday breakfast in bed. The full works – bacon, sausage, scrambled egg, beans, mushrooms and toast. I think I covered up my look of horror incredibly well. I don’t always eat breakfast, but when I do it's two rounds of toast with Marmite, not a banquet. I ate some of the egg and beans with the toast and for a while I was left wondering what the hell I could do with the rest - no way could I face eating it and not because it looked awful - he'd done a great job at cooking. The cat turned up and polished off some of the bacon but even then the plate still looked very full. I found a carrier bag in the computer room in the end and emptied most of the remaining food into that, I then disposed of it in the dustbin later in the day. The lengths I go to not to hurt anyone’s feelings.

The rest of the day was taken up with family and friends – I got a couple of comments about being miserable not wanting to go out but I chose to ignore them. It’s an age thing, I’m now officially a grumpy old woman. Actually it was a Supermarket Birthday – I’m 21 again really, but it was a buy one get one free year.

I received my first Birthday present yesterday. Yes, all very exciting. A present for me! OK, it’s not actually my Birthday till Sunday so Dilys told me not to open it. Not to open it, this from a woman who knows me, can you believe it?

I showed a great deal of maturity in my reply of ‘Oh, Dilys, as if I would’. I showed an even greater deal of restraint by leaving the unopened gift under my desk all day – it just sat there taunting me. It kept staring at me – flaunting its pretty paper and bows, honestly it did. But I refused to be taken in by its provocative manner; I ignored its pretentious display and extravagant pose.

Well I did until I got home – then I opened it. Oh come on, you didn’t expect me to actually leave it until Sunday did you? How long have you been reading this blog? You should be marvelling that I managed to leave it alone that long. If it hadn’t been for the fact that it was payroll day I’d had gone home at lunchtime and opened it then.

The bag contained three gifts too – she really had spoilt me. I received a very nice bottle of wine, a box of Marks and Spencer chocolates and a glass trinket box. I had a hell of a job getting a picture, the glass and the mirror in the bottom kept reflecting the light. I saved the Birthday card until Sunday.

When I rang her up to say thank you she wasn’t at all surprised that I’d already opened it – she was more surprised by the fact that I’d left it alone all day. She’d thought the box would be ideal for keeping my belly bars in.

I don’t particularly enjoy this time of the year – everything comes together – my Birthday, a week later would have been my mum’s Birthday and then Mother’s day. I sometimes find it quite difficult to get into the right mood to celebrate, although my mum wouldn't have been pleased that I felt that way. I'm feeling pressurised to put on a show of everything being just fine, when in fact it isn’t and I feel a bit low. I’m genuinely torched that so many people want to show they care and it means a lot to me, but I don’t want to do the big celebration dinner out with family and friends this year - I just want to spend it quietly at home.

And of course if I’m not careful I’ll just get railroaded into it. There are rumblings already from several quarters. I won’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings so I’ll back down and what should have been my day, will if I’m not careful, get taken over and the decision made for me. Oh well, I suppose it’s hardly the end of the world if it does and just reading back over this makes me think that I sound ungrateful. And I’m not, because it would be awful if no one bothered but I just want to spend this birthday doing something I want to do. I still want to see family and friends, but spread out over the day, not in one big noisy crowd.

It's payroll today - so I'm afraid that this is going to be short and sweet. Please God, just for once, let this months payroll run smoothly. I'm really not in the right frame of mind to cope with idiots that go out of their way to make sure that they make it as difficult as possible to get paid.

++++


I only left the room for a few minutes yesterday, five at the most and they pinched it. O.K. I’ll admit that I didn’t spot that it had gone straight away. In fact I’ll be honest here - it was over three hours later before I noticed; which just goes to show how observant I am. You won't find me ringing up Crimewatch. I expected it to be there so my brain was still telling me it was there. I only noticed it had gone because I went to get something out of one of the drawers. What am I wittering on about? My filing cabinet that’s what.

When we had a move around in the office a few weeks ago the Company Secretary changed desks with Dilys. Yesterday he decided that he needed his filing cabinet by the side of him. Heavens knows why, because he’s now squashed up in a corner with hardly any room - but he's male and they have been known to have some bloody stupid ideas at times. I think it’s a throw back from our ancestors – a territorial sort of thing.

But his 'mine!' attitude did cause a few problems for Dilys - she was using the top of the cabinet as an extension to her desk, which to be honest isn’t very big. Unlike mine – which takes up half of the office, is ‘L’ shaped and still not big enough as far as I'm concerned. My work naturally migrates to every available work surface – which, by the way, included the top of my cabinet. Don't bother with any comments along the line of 'this is a woman thing' - we've heard them all before.

CS had the brilliant idea of moving my cabinet over to make up for the one he had moved. No one asked me, no one even told me. It came as a great shock to walk over to where it should have been to find a gap. Yes, a gap. Apparently my face was a picture – because they both burst out laughing. I’d even reached over to open the drawer before it dawned on me that it wasn’t there.

Not only has it left a gap – it’s left a load of dust and dirt on display as well. He could have got the hoover out and just tidied up a bit. And that’s another thing that's just typical of a man – they have a fear of domestic appliances. Any other piece of electrical equipment they are drawn to - like a moth around a flame. Usually end up getting their fingers burnt too.

And I nearly forgot - Happy St. David's day. Not that I'm allowed to forget - working with a welsh lady!